Featured Posts

A Eulogy for 320,000 Barbers

I am not sad about the death of these barbers. I’m a mature, rational adult: I know that these barbers were never alive in the first...

It doesn't matter whether or not the McRib is back.

“The McRib is Back”, the side of the bus screams at me. This isn’t the bus I’m waiting for — this one goes to Old Town; I need to get...

Baby Nut cannot be the reincarnation of Mr. Peanut.

The events of the past month have been monumental and will mark a turning point in the history of the free world; we have crossed the...

There is neither too much nor too little toothpaste in each tube.

Hot dog buns come in packages of six, while hot dogs themselves come in packages of eight. We have already addressed this problem as they...

Are we skipping too many rocks?

Skipping rocks is a uniquely human activity. There is no evidence any other animal engages in such an activity, though, admittedly, I...

An Open Letter to my Congressman

Dear Representative Peters, I am writing as one of your constituents to discuss a matter that affects me, my community, and the citizens...

Milk cap colors are not standardized.

Recently I picked up a jug of milk, unscrewed the cap, poured a nice cold glass of milk. Milk in one hand and a cookie in the other, I...