White House Hires Plumber to Fix Leaks
The White House Chief of Staff, Mick Mulvaney, announced Tuesday the addition of a new position to the United States Cabinet, the Secretary of Plumbing. Following recent leaks that have damaged the reputation of President Donald Trump and his Administration, the White House has named Marion Stewart as the acting Secretary of Plumbing, primarily tasked with repairing the numerous leaks that have come out of the White House. His appointment is still pending Senate confirmation, and it is still unclear whether Mr. Stewart’s confirmation hearing will be a contentious one or not, as neither party has yet released an official position on plumbing, although Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer has been known to support welding.
Like many Cabinet members of the Trump Administration, Mr. Stewart is a newcomer to public service, having spent the first 14 years of his career as a general handyman serving the Greater Houston area. His transition to a full time plumber was quite recent. State and city records show that Mr. Stewart only started his apprenticeship in plumbing in 2004 and changed his business card from “Handyman” to “Plumber” in 2008. Explaining his appointment of the relatively inexperienced plumber on Twitter, President Trump writes of Mr. Stewart, “he is a very enthusiastic plumber maybe even one of the top 10 in the Houston area. He even agreed to come on a Sunday to repair my clogged drain”, followed by 5 star emojis. The tweet was directly copied from an Angie’s List review of Mr. Stewart by Martha Johnson of Galveston, Texas.
Mr. Stewart’s appointment was met with surprise, considering no new Cabinet positions had been added since 2002, when President Bush appointed Tom Ridge as the Secretary of Homeland Security, following the September 11th terrorist attacks. The Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, though perplexed, affirmed his support for Mr. Stewart’s nomination, “I don’t see why the White House would need a plumber to fix these leaks, but I’m sure that President Trump’s choice is the right one. I once asked him for a recommendation for an electrician for my house and he gave me a recommendation for his son-in-law, Jared.”
On the other side of the aisle, other politicians in Washington received the news with varying levels of enthusiasm. The Green Party nominee in the 2016 Presidential election, Jill Stein, spoke highly of the choice, calling the White House’s move to eliminate leaks from the administration one that “champions the cause of water conservation”. Democratic House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was just as confused about the choice Mr. Stewart as the Secretary of Plumbing as many others, but reflected on the appointment, musing, “maybe we should have gotten Hillary a plumber in 2016.”